Resistance is often perceived as a bad thing to have. It is true that the more resistance we have the less joy we have in our lives. Resistance shows up in our body in the form of tight muscles and physical pain, closed mindedness, and emotional pain and drama. However, there is a place for resistance in our lives, particularly if you are lost and have no idea of where to turn to get yourself back home.
Let me explain. For the majority of my formative years, I did not have a lot, if any, parental engagement in the form of guidance. Nor did I have anyone in my life that resembled a mentor or coach to engage me in ways that supported my personal growth and development as a woman. You could say that I was lost, not only in a family that was chaotic, but a world of chaos and confusion. What do teenagers do when they are lost? You’ve got that right, they act out! I rebelled big time and although I survived, those were some of the most traumatic years of my life.
As a result of being so lost and confused, I created a lot of resistance within my family by demanding attention with angry outbursts so that I could feel that my existence actually mattered. When this failed to give me what I truly longed for, which was to be seen and heard for the unique individual that I was, I did the opposite. I turned my anger inward towards myself to pretty extreme levels – from starving myself to isolating from friends, family and my desire to live.
For decades into my adult years, I would go back and forth between projecting my anger outwards and blaming others to turning my anger inwards towards myself with self-criticism, self-hatred and self-abandon. I created this resistance to have something to push against in order to feel my existence in the world and attempt to be seen and heard in a bigger way. I needed to create resistance in order to find the beginning of my path home and discover who I really was, my true self or what I like to refer to as my inner being.
I started to get glimpses of my true self and this space inside, but I never stayed for long. It was unfamiliar territory and I found it safer to keep choosing what was familiar, which was either blaming others or shaming myself for my life circumstances. Eventually, I got so sick and tired of this state of mind and being because all it led to was chronic heartbreak and broken friendships, mental, emotional and physical health issues and stunting of my personal and professional growth.
In my attempt to find relief, I began to explore different modalities and practices to help me get in touch with myself at a deeper level. What I found, to my surprise, was that through the practice of quieting my mind and dropping into my physical body there was little to no resistance there and I didn’t have the impulse to push or pull against anything. There was an inner peace that was captivating and I just wanted to simply be. However, it was the resistance that I was creating in my life that eventually guided me to this peaceful place deep inside myself. Without the resistance, I would have never been guided down the path of self discovery towards the relationship with my truest self. I may not have even survived through adolescence.
This new found relationship with my true self was paramount to my career choice. It’s also essential to living an adult life that is joyful, happy and meaningful, because my ideal life is being created from a place of deep connection with my heart’s desire not someone else’s agenda. This is the basis for why I do the transformational work that I do with men and women who are lost and suffering from chronic stress and inner conflict with themselves and the world around them.
By learning how to use your resistance to guide you home and trusting that turning towards yourself in a loving and compassionate way will bring you lasting relief and peace of mind, you will free yourself from the fear that binds you. Your pain can become your greatest asset to living a joyful life. The choice is in your hands, but you don’t have to journey alone. Please consider working with a professional who can help guide you, mentor you or coach you along your journey of self discovery and exploration to your truest and best self.
Teena Evert is a Leadership and Communication Mastery Coach. She works with success-driven conscious women who want to be seen and heard in a more impactful way, where they can improve their relationships and make more money, but struggle with communicating and getting what they really want.
Taking The Lead To Make Shit Happen
The 3 Reasons Success-Driven, Conscious Women Are Creating More Conflict Than a Powerful Impact