Have you ever found yourself falling for someone who leaves you feeling unworthy, unseen, or deeply hurt?
Maybe you’ve chased after love, believing that if you just tried a little harder, things would finally fall into place.
But instead, you find yourself stuck in the same painful cycle, questioning why love always seems just out of reach.
If this resonates with you, you might not just be unlucky in love—you might be carrying old wounds that are guiding your heart in all the wrong directions.
Invisible chains of a trauma bond.
When we think of love, we imagine warmth, safety, and connection. But for some of us, love has always been tangled with pain.
Trauma bonds form when we mistake chaos for passion, when we stay in relationships that hurt us because they feel familiar. Deep down, we may not even realize that what we’re calling love is actually survival—a desperate attempt to win the affection we were once denied.
Childhood shapes the way we love.
The way we love as adults is often shaped long before our first romantic relationship. If you grew up feeling neglected, unseen, or constantly on edge, those emotions don’t simply disappear when you get older.
Instead, they become the blueprint for what feels “normal.”
Maybe as a child, you had a parent who only showed love when you worked hard for it. Now, you find yourself chasing after people who make you feel like you must earn their affection.
Or perhaps you grew up in an unpredictable household, never knowing if today would bring kindness or cruelty. As an adult, you might be drawn to partners who send mixed signals, because somewhere along the way, inconsistency started to feel like home.
Wounds we carry.
These childhood wounds don’t just fade into the past—they show up in how we connect with others. Psychologists describe attachment styles that develop from these experiences:
- Anxious Attachment: Always fearing abandonment, always feeling like you’re too much or not enough. You might overanalyze every text message, terrified that if you don’t prove your worth, love will slip through your fingers.
- Avoidant Attachment: Keeping love at arm’s length, convinced that opening up will only lead to pain. You crave closeness, but the moment someone gets too close, you feel suffocated.
- Disorganized Attachment: A push-and-pull, where you both long for and fear love. You want connection but struggle to trust it, leaving you trapped in a cycle of wanting and withdrawing.
These wounds don’t mean you’re broken. They just mean you’ve been hurt—and that healing is possible.
Find your way to secure-functioning love relationships
If you recognize yourself in these patterns, take a deep breath. The fact that you see them is the first step toward change.
Here’s how you begin the journey to finding love that truly nurtures you:
Acknowledge the pattern – Awareness is the key to breaking free. Start noticing the types of relationships you’re drawn to and ask yourself why they feel familiar.
Heal your inner child – The child inside you still longs for the love they never received. Therapy, journaling, and self-compassion can help you start giving yourself that love now.
Set boundaries that honor you – You do not have to tolerate mistreatment in the name of love. Learning to say no to relationships that drain you is an act of self-respect.
Surround yourself with real love – Pay attention to the people who show up for you with consistency, kindness, and care. Love should feel safe, not like an endless battle.
Believe you are worthy – The healthier your relationship with yourself, the healthier the love you will accept from others. True love begins with knowing that you are already enough.
You deserve more.
Love should not feel like a battle you have to win. It should not leave you anxious, questioning, or aching for scraps of affection.
If you’ve spent years looking for love in all the wrong places, know this: You are not doomed to repeat the past.
You have the power to break the cycle. You are worthy of love that is steady, kind, and whole.
And it starts with you.
If you want to learn more about how to improve your love life schedule a free 30-minute Meet/Greet Today!
