Are you doing things that make you feel bad?
One of the things that we certainly need in order to be a successful female entrepreneur is courage and confidence!
1. If you agree to do something just do it. You’re only taken seriously when you actually follow through on your commitments.
2. Be consistent. Build schedules and routines so that you aren’t constantly over or under doing things.
3. Never place the blame. Take full accountability for the actions you have made, and never claim that it is anyone else’s fault except your own.
4. Don’t be a complainer. Talking negatively about every interaction in your life won’t get you far because if you are blaming the world, at the end of the day your life will feel worse not better.
5. Be upfront and admit when you have made a mistake. By accepting responsibility when you screw up, it makes the most of a bad situation – because you’ve learned from it, and you prevent yourself from making the same mistake again in the future.
6. Recognize there will be things you cannot control. Put your focus into being responsible for things you can control, and avoid the stress of those you cannot.
7. Take care of yourself. Try not to always rely on others to remind you of the simple things you could either discover yourself, or you should simply know. Take responsibility and be in control of your life.
You sometimes feel lost in the direction your life is going. You’re caught in a negative pattern that has kept you from moving forward, perhaps for a really long time.
The pattern goes something like this…
You’re so busy doing things to try and improve your life. Maybe it’s something with your work/career or maybe it’s with your spouse/significant other or perhaps both. Regardless of the specific area of your life you’re trying to improve, there’s this feeling that no matter what you do to try to change it for the better it never feels like enough.
No matter how hard you try and push to improve things, it doesn’t move you ahead far enough to where you can just relax and feel satisfied.
As a result, you’re exhausted. Your confidence is shrinking. You’re losing trust in yourself and you feel uncertain and really worried about your ability to succeed.
You know you need to get out of this negative pattern. You want clarity about how to finally change this, you want your power and energy back, more confidence and trust in yourself and your ability to succeed.
You know you need to find a new path forward, but you realize that you need help figuring out what steps to take and a clear plan that will support your desires. You need to learn practical skills to ensure you have the right tools to stay your course and not get derailed along the way.
You’re not willing to give up on your dreams. You’re no longer willing to tolerate feeling lost, caught in a pattern of struggle and not seeing improvement in key areas of your life so you can have the clarity and confidence to feel relaxed and satisfied with your progress.
I get it. I totally get it.
I have the same challenges and desires that you do. I’ve been caught in a pattern of over efforting and pushing hard to make things happen, yet still falling short of my goals. Over time this pattern wore me down to the point where my self confidence was shrinking and I started to lose hope in my ability be successful with both with my life’s work and in my relationships. My life felt like it was spiraling out of control and I knew I needed professional help to turn it around.
We all get caught in negative patterns, which can cause us to feel lost, alone and isolated. Believe it or not this is part of our wisdom path, it’s how we go from sabotage to success. The key is realizing that you can’t go it alone. You need professional support and guidance to change what you can not see.
You know you’re not really changing when you oscillate between pushing hard to resolve an issue or withdrawing to keep the peace, or some resemblance of it. This exact pattern is what keeps you stuck and unable to move forward.
Here’s the truth, you must learn how to work and live smarter, not harder and this takes clarity. Clarity is key because it brings power and confidence to your actions. The secret to shift from over efforting to more ease is not about learning more strategies. To replace your self-doubt with belief and your worry with inspiration and fun, you must first gain clarity about what you need to confront that’s causing resistance and stopping you from moving forward. When you confront your resistance with clarity and confidence you finally stop making excuses that sabotage your success. Only then will you have a greater capacity to allow more of what you want to flow into your life.
If this resonates with you and you’d like an opportunity to chat with me, please click this link to set up a time for us to connect with each other.
With love and appreciation,
The life we lead is an accumulation of the choices we make. Our choices can be our best friend or our worst enemy. They can deliver us to our goals or send us trailblazing down the wrong path.
Think about it. Everything in your life exists because you first made a choice about something. Choices are at the root of everyone of your results and outcomes. Each choice starts a behavior that overtime becomes a habit. Choose poorly and you might just find yourself back at the drawing board forced to make new and often much harder choices. If you don’t choose at all, well you just made the choice to be the passive receiver of whatever comes your way.
In essence you make your choices, and then your choices make you. Every decision, no matter how slight alters the trajectory of your life. Whether or not you go to college, who you marry, have that last drink and drive, indulge in gossip or stay silent, say I love you or not. Every choice has an impact and directly affects how you claim or don’t claim the lead in your life.
You must become aware of how you make choices that support the expansion of your life. It’s really not that complicated; however you have to be willing to not make 99% of your choices unconsciously. You have to say to yourself, “No more are my daily routines and traditions going to come as a reaction to my programing”. You have to be willing to ask yourself and be able to answer, “How many of my behaviors have I not voted on?” What am I doing that I didn’t consciously choose to do, yet continue to do, everyday?”
Your biggest challenge is not that you have been intentionally making bad choices. Your biggest challenge is that you’ve been sleepwalking through your choices. Half the time you’re not even aware that you’re making them. Our choices are often shaped by our culture and upbringing. They can be so entwined in our routine behaviors and habits that they seem beyond our control!
For instance, have you ever been going about your business, enjoying your life when all of a sudden you made a stupid choice or a series of small choices that ultimately sabotaged your hard work and momentum all for no apparent reason? You didn’t intend to sabotage yourself, but by not thinking about your decisions and weighing the risks and potential outcomes you found yourself facing unintended consequences.
Nobody intends to become obese, go through bankruptcy, or get a divorce, but often, if not always those consequences are a result of a series of small poor choices.
It’s time to wake up and make empowering choices.
It’s easy to point fingers at others, isn’t it?
For instance, “I’m not getting ahead because of my backstabbing co-worker.”
“I would have gotten that promotion if my boss wasn’t so self-absorbed.”
“I’m always in a bad mood because my family is driving me crazy.”
And we are particularly gifted in the finger pointing arena when it comes to our romantic relationships. You know, where the other person is the one who needs to change, right?!
What percentage of shared responsibility do you have in making a relationship work?
Most will say 50/50, because they believe that people must be willing to share the responsibility evenly or someone is going to get ripped off. Others say it’s more like 51/49, because they believe you have to be willing to do a little bit more than the other person to make it work. Many more think it’s closer to 80/20, because they believe relationships are built on self sacrifice and generosity.
The correct answer is 100/100, because you have to be willing to give 100% with zero expectation of receiving anything in return. Only when you are willing to take 100% responsibility for making the relationship work, will it work. Otherwise, a relationship left to chance, will always be vulnerable to disaster.
Now, this might not be what you were expecting to hear; however, this concept can actually transform every area of your life. If you always take 100% responsibility for everything you experienced, completely owning all of your choices and all the ways in which you responded to whatever happened to you – then you hold the power.
Everything is up to you. You are responsible for everything you did, didn’t do, or how you responded to what was done to you.
I know you think you take responsibility for your life. I have yet to ask anyone who doesn’t say, “Of course I take responsibility for my life,” but when you look at how most people operate in the world, there’s a lot of finger pointing, victimhood, blaming, and expecting someone else to solve their problems.
If you’ve ever blamed the traffic because you’re late or decided that you were in a bad mood because of something your kid, spouse, or co-worker did, you’re not taking 100% responsibility.
You arrived late because your lunch wasn’t ready? Maybe you shouldn’t have waited until the last minute to eat. Your co-worker messed up the powerpoint? Shouldn’t you have checked it before delivering it? Not able to manage your unreasonable puppy? There are countless books and classes to help you learn how to deal. You alone are responsible for what you do, don’t do, and how you respond to what is done to you. This empowering mindset will revolutionize your life.
Luck, circumstances or the right situation isn’t what matters. No matter who is elected president, how badly the economy tanked, or what anybody said, did or didn’t do, you are still 100% in control of you.
Through choosing to be officially liberated from the past, present and future victimhood, you’re hitting the jackpot! You have the unlimited power to control your destiny by taking 100% responsibility for your life and claiming the lead.
If this resonates with you and you’d like to chat with me, you can schedule a time to connect with me by clicking here. I look forward to it!
With love and appreciation,
You constantly engage in conversations with others, including children, spouses, business partners, and customers. Hence, even though we are in conversations every day, research shows that 9 out of 10 conversations miss the mark.
Are you avoiding difficult conversations?
Do you want to improve your listening?
Do you want to learn how to connect better with others and build trust?
Conversational Intelligence (C-IQ) clarifies the conversational dynamics and patterns that are present in all conversations in every language around the globe. Based on the newest research in neuroscience, conversational intelligence can be used to elevate partnering, create healthy culture, and develop human potential. This is done through a combination of coaching and neuroscience to permanently improve the quality of conversations and relationships.
You may feel like you don’t have time to spend in deep conversations with others, because they take too long. As a result, Conversational Intelligence will teach you how to make conversations easier even when they are difficult. When you learn to talk in a way where people listen to you and you listen to them, you can create extraordinary results.
Conversation’s have the potential to catalyze change and growth in relationships. By learning how to communicate using the most advance parts of you brain you can better align individual, team, and organizational aspirations.
Conversational intelligence activates the pleasure-induced neuro-chemicals in the brain. As a result, we can successfully navigate life’s most important, and sometimes difficult and challenging conversations.
Conversational Intelligence was recently listed as one of the top five business trends by Inc. Magazine, and Microsoft has called it one of the most powerful methodologies of the past decade, even of this century. Conversational Intelligence enables coaches to bring a fresh new conversational approach to leadership. C-IQ helps transform cultures, elevate trust in organizations, build world-class leadership teams, and foster higher levels of teamwork and partnering.
If you’d like to learn more about how this can help you and your team succeed, please email Certified Conversational Intelligence Coach, Teena Evert at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Resistance is often perceived as a bad thing to have. It is true that the more resistance we have the less joy we have in our lives. Resistance shows up in our body in the form of tight muscles and physical pain. Also in closed mindedness, emotional pain and drama. However, there is a place for resistance in our lives. Particularly if you feel lost and have no idea of where to turn to get yourself back home.
Let me explain. For the majority of my formative years, I did not have a lot of parental guidance. I didn’t have a mentor or coach to engage me and support my personal growth and development as a woman. You could say that I was lost. Not only in a family that was chaotic, but in a world of chaos and confusion.
What do teenagers do when they are lost? You’ve got that right, they act out! I rebelled big time and although I survived, those were some of the most traumatic years of my life.
As a result of being so lost and confused, I created a lot of resistance within my family. I did this with angry outbursts in an attempt to get validation that my existence actually mattered. When this failed, I did the opposite. I turned my anger inward towards myself by starving myself, isolating from friends, family and my desire to live.
For decades into my adult years, I would go back and forth between projecting my anger outwards and blaming others. Then to turning my anger inwards towards myself with self-criticism, self-hatred and self-abandon. I created this resistance to have something to push against in an attempt to be seen and heard in a bigger way. The resistance I created helped me find a path home. A path to discover who I really was, my true self.
I started to get glimpses of my true self and this space inside, but I never stayed for long. It was unfamiliar territory and I found it safer to keep choosing what was familiar, which was either blaming others or shaming myself for my life circumstances. Eventually, I got so sick and tired of this state of mind and being because all it led to was chronic heartbreak and broken friendships, mental, emotional and physical health issues and stunting of my personal and professional growth.
In my attempt to find relief, I began to explore different modalities and practices to help me get in touch with myself at a deeper level. What I found, to my surprise, was that through the practice of quieting my mind and dropping into my physical body there was little to no resistance. I didn’t have the impulse to push or pull against anything.
There was an inner peace that was captivating and I just wanted to simply be. However, it was the resistance that I was creating in my life that eventually guided me to this peaceful place deep inside myself. Without the resistance, I would have never been guided down the path of self discovery towards the relationship with my truest self. I may not have even survived through adolescence.
This new found relationship with my true self was paramount to my career choice. It’s also essential to living an adult life that is joyful, happy and meaningful. My ideal life is being created from a place of deep connection with my heart’s desire not someone else’s agenda. This is the basis for why I do the personal leadership development work that I do.
By learning how to use your resistance to guide you home. Trusting that turning towards yourself in a loving and compassionate way will bring you lasting relief and peace of mind. You will free yourself from the fear that binds you.
Your pain can become your greatest asset to living a joyful life. The choice is in your hands, but you don’t have to journey alone. Please consider working with a professional who can help guide you, mentor you or coach you along your journey of self discovery and exploration to your truest and best self.
This year I’ve been 100% committed to doing whatever it takes to fully embody my personal power. And I have to warn you, be careful for what you ask for!
It was my willingness to get uncomfortable and do the work that I uncovered a deeper meaning. In short, to inspire other women to claim the lead and make stuff happen!
To me, this means being BOLD and standing in your truth no matter what. It’s exploring where and how you position yourself in your life, on any given day, in any given situation or circumstance. Likewise, it’s knowing how you respond and navigate your life when things seem to be unfolding in your favor and when they are clearly NOT going your way.
Fires you up?
Makes you angry?
Are you passionate about?
Is it that you really want?
Are your deepest desires?
Do you keep avoiding?
These are important questions to ask yourself. You must take 100% responsibility for your life. Therefore, I believe you can lead from anywhere, even when you are in the role of follower.
Yes even when you are following you can lead, it’s simply a shift in your mindset. You do this through connection. By staying connected all the way through the conversation, the dance, the project, the relationship, whatever it is. You get connected by first becoming centered in your own core. Then from there you can feel, and think your way through the events of your day, week, month or year with exquisite awareness.
Becoming keenly aware of how you feel in any given moment. This allows you to be guided internally by what is radically true for you. When you can stand in your truth you’ll have a much easier time course correcting, especially when life throws you curve balls. Here’s a little secret…life will throw you curve balls!
It’s not about experiencing a perfect life with no adversity. It’s about how you RESPOND to the adversity. How you show up and the choices you make is what matters most. I encourage you to stay committed to being your best self today and everyday.
I learned this the hard way and my own mess became my message. I felt flat on my face skinned my knees, scraped my hands broke a few bones, and suffered extreme heartbreak in the process.
Firstly, this face plant took me to a place of total defeat, deep despair and a dark scary place inside. Secondly, I was full of uncertainty and I had no idea how I would get up and climb out of this hole. Further, I had no where to go, but to surrender to being face down in the dirt. Moreover, it was from here things started to shift.
The shift came from inside from the pain that ran so deep it pierced through my bones. I felt as if I could only take sips of breath, between the waterfall of tears that washed over me. I felt helpless, hopeless and disoriented while sitting in this dark fiery pit of despair, yet at the same time, I discovered something that would change my life forever.
In this place of darkness where I could barely breath was a spark of light. I began to feel a swell of warmth rise up from inside of me and suddenly my heart burst open! Feeling like I could breathe again and became hopeful and energized. I tapped into a reserve of energy that from that moment forward, I relied on to heal. To feel, move and shift my energy in order to find my way out of this dark hole.
Meanwhile I reached for relief and found the right resources to help me stand on my own two feet and become grounded once again in my truth. I had experienced a huge breakthrough, an awakening and a deep knowing that this was my time to heal. To take all the pain from my past, all the old stories that played like a broken record in my head and transform it.
Like the alchemist, who never loses hope and teaches that when a person really desires something, the whole universe will conspire to help that person realize their dream.
I was so ready to take a step in the right direction and get back on the correct course . Particularly, after being thrown from the saddle and landing face down in the arena. Beck in the flow and aligned with my true self, I felt UNSTOPPABLE. My desire was strong become the leader of my life and take 100% responsibility for how I wanted to feel, moment-to-moment, day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month and year-to-year.
This is why I am dedicated to help other women tap into the wellspring of their inspiration and claim the lead in their life. Above all, to stop chasing shiny objects that promise happiness, and put and end to repeating negative patterns that keep them stuck in old stories that they’ve out grown.
When you claim the lead in your life you learn to tune into your deepest desires. You also tap into a reservoir of vitality that allows you to make sh*t happen!
I would have never experienced the rise in my strength without first being completely paralyzed in defeat. In conclusion, trust yourself and do whatever it takes to dig down and tap your inspiration to claim the lead.
Have you ever watched an important relationship in your life fall apart? Leaving you feeling intense emotional pain, physical heartache and despair?
Given the extreme distress of this situation, what got you through it?
Was it drinking wine with your girlfriends or sobbing home alone on your sofa? Did you distract yourself with other things like work, netflix binges and chocolate ice cream?
How long ago did this happen to you? Does it still bother you even though it happened several months or years ago?
Whether your heartbreak is recent or it occurred decades ago. If you haven’t fully healed from this experience, it can negatively impact your health and well-being. It can cost you more heartache and even shorten your lifespan. It can rob you of the joy you know you deserve. The relationship you long for. The one you have been wanting to attract. Yet without much success, despite your efforts to move on from your past.
Not every romantic relationship you are in will work out the way you had hoped. However, every relationship that you have been in holds significance in your life. Broken relationships are not failures, they are lessons in disguise. In order to grow from these lessons, we have to be willing to look at our part in the madness. We must also take the time to heal. Letting go of the old stories that we hang on to so we can be free from our past.
The sooner we can let go of the old stories we keep telling ourselves, the quicker we will be able to move forward in our life. Because, we will no longer be renewing the negative thoughts and feelings associated with it.
I have worked with thousands of men and women who have remained stuck for years. Stuck repeating the same relationship mistakes that have prevented them from feeling fulfilled in love. This has led to a life of feeling alone, depressed, anxious and even suicidal. It has also been a catalyst for chemical dependency and addiction.
The breakdown that occurs after a significant relationship in your life ends, regardless of the circumstances, does not need to leave you in a state of despair for very long. It can actually be a catalyst for deep transformation and personal growth. The key is to be able to move through the pain and discomfort in such a way that allows you to expand and grow from the inside out.
Unfortunately, what many people do is try to bypass the pain, by jumping into another relationship or reaching for bright shiny objects to distract them from the pain. This only provides short-term relief with no healing benefits. Unfortunately, neither of these options provide true relief or healing, if anything, it prolongs the emotional pain and sets one up for further heartbreak.
There are 5 steps that you must take after a relationship breakdown in order to move forward in your life and feel amazing. The prerequisite for these steps, however, is to be ready, willing and able to let go. To be unattached to the outcome and to stop beating yourself up for being in the position that you now find yourself in. It’s time for you to stand up and begin the next chapter of your life, and this chapter is now yours to create.
Step 1: Reclaim Your Power and Passion
When a relationship falls apart it becomes a sudden event that immediately grabs your full attention. While time is of the essence, it’s important to avoid making rash decisions.
In order to even consider what is next for you, you must take time to review and do some evaluation in order to make thoughtful judgments regarding your life so you can in turn make confident choices. As you begin to reclaim your power, purpose and passion, hold on tight, because things now move into high gear! It’s important to stay grounded as you may feel off guard as uncertainty sets in. Feeling good about yourself is essential for healing right now.
Step 2: Get Back In Touch With Your Heart’s Desires
In order to ignite your heart’s desires you must transcend the feeling of entrapment that is coming from anxiety that’s not actually based in reality. You must learn to adopt a more positive perspective on this situation. Rather than focus on the material things in life you must recognize that you are trying to fill an emotional void with a physical need when what you’re really craving is inner peace.
You are stronger than you realize and you can handle your current situation, however, instead of powering through it, you’re better off with an approach of compassion, kindness and gentleness towards yourself. The truth is that, your inner strength and effectiveness increase as you believe in yourself and your ability to grow from the experiences you have in life. It’s essential that you take responsibility for your actions, with that you can expect positive changes to occur in your life.
You will begin to enjoy new opportunities as they present themselves and you take the leap with the knowledge that everything will work well for you. Old blocks are lifting and everything now moves forward quickly. Although recent or past events shook your faith, you now see how they were actually positive for you.
Step 3: Re-prioritize Your Purpose
You’ve probably got too much going on at once and you’re feeling stressed. Everyone experiences times in their lives when they’re afraid or insecure. Sometimes these fears are based on external factors you can see, and sometimes worries stem from irrational or unreal concerns.
In both cases it’s important to go within and listen to your intuition as to what to do next. Trust your intuition and trust your guidance. Embrace this period of self-awareness to overcome past blocks that have held you back from living your purpose. It’s your time to awaken to truths about yourself that you’ve kept hidden, and see your brilliant light.
You’ll soon be on your way to feeling a sense of contentment, peace and abundance. You’ll be able to safely navigate your way through the obstacles to a place you can feel proud of as you seek stability and commitment to a better life.
Step 4: Recharge Your Radiance
Your relationship breakdown has been a wake-up call for you to make some life changes. This may be a new revelation or something you’ve known but have been procrastinating about. It is now that you realize that this situation can’t be ignored and action is necessary.
This is a moment of both freedom an awakening. The way you see yourself and the world has forever changed. This brings you growth and encouraging you to spread your wings. These new insights give you motivation to embrace the path of your heart’s true desires.
Communication with your higher self is key right now because it’s important to develop trust within yourself. It’s time for you to make clear decisions. You must remove anything or anyone from your life whose presence no longer serves your greatest good. To recharge your radiance you have to let go of working too hard, because there is a need for balance in your life.
Slow your pace to a more comfortable level. Allow your stress levels to come down a few notches. Begin to let love in, in a way that brings you joy, expansion and deep relaxation.
Step 5: Align Your Actions
You are self-reliant and wise. This hasrepared you for this time in your life to take it easy and enjoy some luxuries. Your own company is valued and you find peace and contentment in your quiet alone time. Pursuing deeper meaning in life is important to you and you retreat inward for inspiration. At the same time it’s important to cultivate logic, discipline and order right now.
Your dreams need guidelines and organization so that they can manifest properly. Believe in your ability to feel empowered and take a leadership role in your life. Focus on things that involve your passion and carry them out to your best abilities. This is your time to create something beautiful or of high quality. Stay alert to new possibilities.
Change is inevitable and can bring newfound sources of abundance. Align your actions by remaining open to new and exciting opportunities. Stop giving into fear-based thoughts that limit your actions.
This is picture of me at the Summit of Fremont Pass, which is 11,318 ft. I road my bike up here on a blue bird day with my sweetie. It’s was an incredible experience and I can’t wait to do it again!
I want to talk about YOU and YOUR SUCCESS in your work, life and in love…
I believe that everyone wants to feel successful and be successful, but we don’t all know how to actually become successful.
Here’s the truth, the utter definition of success is “joy in this moment”. That’s right, how much joy you can feel in any given moment is your barometer for success. You don’t need to suffer on your evolutionary trail.
The journey to joyful is a choice. You need support to help you stay inspired. And to not fall victim to your inner gremlins that want to rain on your success parade and feel good moments.
Above all you need support for when you do run into tough times. They are inevitable for your personal growth and expansion and for your capacity to become more joyous and successful.
Remember the utter definition of success is “joy in the moment”. You create more joy in your life by choosing thoughts that give you greater satisfaction.
In the process you must stop renewing your relationship with doubt, fear and all those other dissatisfying thoughts that keep you running the same old programs in your life. This gives you the same old results that you’ve been complaining about for all these years.
My clients’ come to me for guidance on how to address their biggest issues. They share with me the places where they’re stuck. They need help seeing what they can’t yet see to finally find a resolution.
There are three things that I can help you clearly see, and they are:
#1 Know the pattern that you’ve been stuck in. The one that’s been robbing your joy and feelings of success and how to get out of it.
#2 Exactly what you can do to shift out of this pattern and start creating more satisfaction in your life.
#3 Be inspired, motivated and in action even when life presents obstacles along your path.
How do you get out of the pattern that you’ve been stuck in? How do you stop it from robbing your joy and blocking your success?
Positive thinking is essential right now. Your own obsessive, negative thoughts are the true culprits behind the trouble you fear. Turn your attention to the amazing possibilities for the future. Leave the past behind.
How can you quickly get unstuck and create more satisfaction in your life?
Allow yourself to completely embrace new adventures that present themselves. In addition, be willing to take risks in order to follow your dreams. If you want to change your life, do it now. Now is a great time for a fresh start. Remember to stay inspired, motivated and in action even when life presents obstacles along your path.
Seek out mentors and like-minded friends. Connect with supportive new people who have integrity. People with a strong moral compass is key to your ability to move forward and to stay committed to your dreams and goals.
What’s required to take a great leap forward?
A great leap forward requires self-discipline, self-control, determination and the willingness to go the distance. The truth is, you’ll experience challenging situations that need to be successfully balanced. Stay calm, grounded, and be clear about what you’re trying to achieve. Bask in the joy of what you’ve accomplished!
In this picture I am in the high desert of Moab, Utah – joyfully riding my road bike. I just descended from a 4500 ft climb in the La Sal Mountains. This image captures me curiously looking ahead at how far I still needed to go. Although, seconds after looking back at how far I had come!
Are you where you want to be in your life? Can you honestly say that you’re happy and content right here and now, or are you still searching?
Most people are searching because we all have a desire to either find happiness or stay happy. Is it as simple as choosing to be happy? If it were that simple, we would all walk around with a permanent smile on our faces.
I agree that happiness can be distilled down to a choice. However we have to create the right internal and external environment in order to maintain a high level of joy in our life.
How often have you had an amazing experience that left you beaming with delight? Then not long after you were right back to where you were before the experience? One minute you’re feeling joyful. Then suddenly you find yourself being pulled back into the familiar state of self-doubt, worry and overwhelm. Why?
Unfortunately this experience is true for many. We get used to this pattern and accept it as the norm. We become okay with experiencing the highs and lows and ups and downs of life.
But wait, isn’t this how we build our resilience? Perhaps it is a part of how we develop a strong sense of resilience. Yet, does it have to be so dramatic? Can we somehow remain in a consistent state of flow with happy feelings, regardless of what is going on around us?
Is it possible to be emotionally resilient? Where we’re able to use our own emotions to master moving through life’s challenges without turning so many things into mountains that were originally just a bump on the map? I believe it is possible.
Now don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy a good mountain climb to challenge my stamina, physically, mentally and emotionally. What I don’t enjoy is when the mountain suddenly appears in front of me unexpectedly. In this case, I am not prepared for the challenge. I don’t have the right shoes, clothing, food or gear to make the trek.
It would actually be dangerous to attempt the climb without adequate preparation and supplies. This is a perfect example of when we are most likely to give up. We tell ourselves we just don’t have what it takes to succeed, or survive for that matter. So we don’t even try.
The truth is, we all have blind spots when it comes to conquering life’s challenges. In most cases, if we ask for a little support we can find a solution. Even to what we perceive as an unsolvable problem. Others can often see what we can’t see during times of distress that are being fueled by our own self-doubt.
High stress levels put our brain in survival mode. As a result our creativity to solve problems and shift our emotional state gets thwarted. This is why when faced with a big challenge that appears to be unsolvable, it’s important to turn to someone for guidance. This helps you come to a viable solution.
I can’t tell you how many times I put my head down and just walked away from something that was really important to me. This was when I doubted my ability to succeed and I didn’t want to fail trying. Can you relate? What I realize now is that if I would have asked for help, I would have been able to see that the challenge was totally doable. It was also manageable and even fun to conquer.
The lesson here is don’t try to always go it alone. When the going gets tough, stop what you are doing. Then find someone who is willing to help you see a solution until it is completely resolved.
Not only will this boost your confidence in your ability to thrive during difficult times. You will also boost your resiliency in a big way. I promise you will arrive at a new depth of happiness that moves you beyond your paralyzing self-doubt.
When was the last time you were faced with a pretty big challenge? Where your first instinct was to walk away and not even attempt to face it? What if in that moment, instead of throwing your hands up in the air in defeat, you sought out help? You gathered the right support to address the issue? What would be different today if you choose this option? How would you feel different about yourself? And your life’s accomplishments?
So often we have to get out of our own way. We have to drop our ego and our preconceived notion regarding how we think things should be. We get so attached to the outcome. So that when things don’t start to unfold the way we had imagined. Or they don’t look the way we had envisioned them to be. We get frustrated and try to control the outcome even more.
This pattern of thinking and behaving is what feeds our resistance. It also robs our joy in the process of creating and manifesting. We shut off the value to these energy flows and instead open the valve to fear.
The more we tap into the fear the more it becomes the primary source of fuel that drives our behaviors. Then after a short while we aren’t even aware that we’re operating under such adverse conditions. We blame the effort on the circumstances and avoid taking full responsibility for the outcome that we 100% created.
And so the pattern goes, we repeat this over and over again throughout our life. Often with no conscious awareness that we are even doing it. This robs our happiness and fuels our self-doubt. In my opinion is exhausting, not sustainable and overall just a real drag. Consequently, it negatively impacts our relationships, work and our outlook on life.
This pattern also causes us to feel very weary. We just can’t sustain the amount of energy it takes to drive our lives from this place of disconnect. What I have observed in my own life, as well as in my client’s lives, is that we either get physically, mentally or emotionally sick, get divorced, have a mid-life crisis, turn to drugs and alcohol, or go on a Netflix binge, or we figure our stuff out and hire a coach like me to be the catalyst for change in our lives.
What’s it going to be for you? It is ultimately your choice. Although that sounds like the easy part, it’s the hardest step of all to choose.
How do you choose what you want with so many choices before you? The truth is that we really only have two choices. Do you want to be happy or not? Do you want to work really, really hard and gain very little traction? Or do you want to learn how to be in the flow and gain a lot of traction with very little effort?
If you want to learn how to move beyond self-doubt and discover a new depth of happiness in your life. I am ready to assist you along your journey to make this happen with you and for you.
I have always had a difficult time relaxing or sitting still for any length of time. This was the case when I was young and it lasted throughout childhood and into my college years. I drove my parents and friends crazy with my anxious energy and need to constantly be doing something physically active.
Although, I was naturally coordinated and strong, I lacked confidence and mental focus. I also felt like I was never quite good enough at anything, regardless of how much effort I put into it. The chronic feelings of never being good enough had a very negative impact on my emotional well-being.
Unfortunately, none of my natural talents in the physical fitness arena helped me to develop my emotional fitness. This was a skill and a practice that I learned much later in my life. I wish I would have been taught these tools and practices in grade school and college. It certainly would have been a game changer!
You’re probably wondering exactly what is emotional fitness? How do you strengthen it? How is it different than your physical or mental fitness? These are all great questions and I’ll do my best to answer them for you here.
If we increase the movement of our body we can become more physically fit. For example, you can join a gym and hire a personal trainer. Or attend a group fitness class, learn to eat more healthily and mindfully. All of these actions have the potential to improve your level of physical fitness if done correctly and consistently.
Your mental fitness will also be challenged with your improved level of physical fitness because you will be moving out of your comfort zone on more of a regular basis. Overall, you’ll be challenged to move into a zone of greater possibility. However, In order to sustain this new level of fitness, you’ll need to be aware of how you’re feeling emotionally.
The truth is, how you feel emotionally is vital to achieving optimal health and well being. A high level of emotional fitness gives you the capacity to hold a greater vision for yourself. You will feel amazing from the inside out.
If you’re working hard at the gym to improve your physical and mental fitness, you also need to improve your emotional fitness. This is key to achieve long term success. Feeling your best will help you to stay inspired, motivated and engaged in your life.
Emotional fitness is about creating optimal positive emotional energy. It’s not always easy to be in a pure positive emotional state; however, we can condition ourselves to access this state more often and stay longer with ease.
The more positive an attitude you have, the better your life will be in every area. This is NOT the same as positive thinking, and nor does it ignore the downsides. Positive emotional energy enables you to see what is really going on. This is also the way successful people learn to generate success.
Positive emotions give you energy, while negative emotions deplete your energy. An electrical charge is sparked in your brain with each thought (whether this is positive or negative). This releases a hormone which in turn affects all of your mental and physiological well-being. If you think a negative thought, it is as though a sluice gate drops down and prevents any feelings of well-being. Conversely with a happy thought, memory or holding your body in a physiological state of well-being, your brain produces chemicals. As a result, you feel good.
When you are excited and happy you sparkle with energy and enthusiasm. When you are angry or depressed, or negative for any reason, you feel tired and frustrated, and eventually, burnt out. Emotional energy is a far more refined form of energy than the physical energy that it takes to move your body. Emotional energy is absolutely essential to healthy emotional functioning.
You can conserve your emotional energy if you don’t consume all your energy units in the expression of negative emotions such as fear, doubt, anger, guilt, and resentment. If your energy is conserved at one level, your body continues to refine it into higher and better energy. One hundred units of emotional energy thus conserved will be refined by your body into 10 units of mental energy.
Learning to become calm and relaxed is key to boosting your emotional fitness. When you’re more relaxed, you tend to be more genuine and more in control of your emotions. You’ll become more aware that expressions of negative emotion deprive you of the energy you need to be effective in the more important things that you do. Getting upset or angry over little things, or even large things becomes a waste of energy. By remaining objective and detached you’ll be able to view things as they are without becoming emotionally involved.
I strongly encourage you to learn how to stand back and refuse to take things personally. Don’t allow yourself to get drawn into arguments or other people’s problems and save you energy for more productive purposes.
The whole purpose of physical relaxation is to allow yourself to recharge your emotional and mental batteries. The aim of rest and relaxation is to build up your mental and emotional energies.This will in turn improve the quality of your life.
In summary, if you truly want to boost your emotional fitness, then here are three simple actions steps you can exercise right away:
First, keep your thoughts on your dreams and desired outcomes, and keep them off the things and people that cause you stress and negative emotions. This is not easy but it is very important.
Second, preserve your emotional energy by staying calm and positive in difficult situations, rather than allowing yourself to be upset and angry.
Third, take ample time to rest completely so you can recharge your physical and emotional batteries. The better rested you are, the more effective you will be.