I’m here to help you have a better relationship.

My name is Teena Evert, and I am a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Board-Certified Relationship Coach, and Master Intuition Medicine® Practitioner. I specialize in helping people heal and grow in their primary relationships.

By utilizing a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT) I support committed couples who want to work together to mend, nurture and grow their partnership. I also use my knowledge and skills as an Intuition Medicine® practitioner to help individuals learn powerful tools to heal themselves from issues deeply rooted in their energy systems.

 This blog post will touch on the biology of a couple relationship, and help you to identify how you’re both difficult and actions to improve your situation.

difficult-couple-sitting-on-the-couch Is your partner TOO difficult? I’m sure they are at times. AND how about you?

When have you crossed the line? The big TRUTH is…

Everyone is difficult and annoying at times, and so are you.

So, if you’re CURIOUS And maybe even READY…

To best understand the ways your partner is challenging, as are you, then keep reading!

Here is why…

Your brain, while an amazing organ, can make mistakes, especially in social situations.

 For instance:

  • Your brain sometimes mixes up social signals (like faces, voices, movements, and words) with real danger.
  • It relies on past memories a lot, which can make it confuse current events with things it remembers really quickly.
  • Your brain often fills in missing information with made-up stuff.
  • It can even make you imagine things that aren’t really happening.

Your biology, or how your body developed, also has a big impact on how difficult you can be.

It affects how you:

  • Control your impulses.
  • Deal with frustration.
  • Change your focus when needed.
  • Handle your feelings of excitement or calmness.
  • Act in social and emotional situations, especially when you’re stressed.
  • Make choices that might not be the easiest but are the right thing to do.
  • Stay aware of your own thoughts and feelings in real-time.

You’re human.

Nature, or the way you’re built as a human, can make you naturally tend to be aggressive, look out for yourself, and sometimes dislike people who are kind of like you but also different. Nurture, or your life experiences and memories, also shape who you are.

If you went through any tough experiences, especially when you were really young and didn’t get them sorted out, it can make you extra sensitive to things that seem like threats, both inside and outside of you.

Why should you listen to me?

distressed-queer-coupleI’m an experienced couples therapist, and I understand that people can be pretty tough to deal with sometimes. Even I can be difficult, just like anyone else on this planet. So, I don’t think I’m better than anyone when it comes to being annoying. As a couple therapist, I help couples work together to be less of a pain in the ass to each other.

In my work with couples, my main aim is for them to have a strong, safe, and secure relationship. When partners are secure-functioning, they are less difficult with each other.

That’s because they both understand their important role: to make sure the other person feels completely safe and secure. Both partners are equally responsible for this, and they agree to make each other’s lives easier, not harder. This is one of the key principles of having a secure functioning relationship.

 Oh, wait, you still think you’re not difficult? Let me give you some touch love, you are.

There are many ways to be difficult, and we all have our moments. But the real issue arises when we go too far across the line and become too difficult, that is the problem. So, how does focusing and practicing secure functioning help in this situation?

Secure-functioning partners work together to co-create their own set of agreements that protect them from each other’s difficult behaviors. These are “golden rules” because when both partners agree to them, they become unquestionable, and undisputable and therefore help partners rein in difficult behavior.

As a couples therapist, I help partners work together to develop a safe, secure-functioning, and loving relationship.

If you’re ready to explore what’s possible, I invite you to schedule a Free consultation to learn more about how I work and how I can help your relationship thrive.

But First, I want you to look at some common ways partners are difficult and cause chaos in relationships. 

Common Ways Partners are Difficult

  • You or your partner does something annoying and threatens the safety and security of the relationship.
  • You or your partner doesn’t recognize that they just threatened the relationship and therefore not repairing it through apology or other means.
  • Persistently not releasing or forgiving your partner after a satisfactory repair.
  • Not being willing to bargain or negotiate with your partner.
  • When bargaining, not providing alternatives following the word “no.”
  • Being unwilling to admit your wrongs and make amends.
  • Being unwilling to see your partner’s point of view.
  • Not being curious.
  • Persistently stubborn.
  • Persistently inflexible.
  • Persistently conflict-avoidant.
  • Continually failing to check with your partner when discussing them in public.
  • Continually disregarding your partner when together in public.
  • Persistently (and unapologetically) failing to keep your word.
  • Persistently talking too much.
  • Persistently talking too little.

concerned-coupleHow did you do?

This is by no means a definitive list. But notice the wording in here. It’s not about reflexively doing something that makes you difficult for your partner. It’s about the refusal to stop when cued that makes you too difficult. It’s also about the refusal to repair the hurt and make things right. I invite you to add of few of your own below!

My partner is too difficult when…

I know I’m too difficult when…

We are too difficult when…

Take Action

Because we are all mostly automatic, we shouldn’t be faulted for many of the knee-jerk behaviors we do without thought and, at times, without intention. We are, however, responsible for what we do after we do something stupid, thoughtless, or insensitive.

 We are all difficult in one way or another.

The challenge for secure functioning couples is not crossing the line to becoming too difficult.

When couples work together they thrive together!

This is the perfect first step towards getting the support and guidance you need to improve your relationship.

 To schedule a Free 15-minute Consultation Call/Text (720) 443-1071