Have you ever thought your partner is just too difficult to deal with sometimes? Well, you’re not alone. The truth is, everyone can be a pain in the butt, including you!
We’re All a Little Challenging
If you’re curious about why that happens and are ready to explore this further, I’ve got something for you: the “Relationship Difficulties Self-Assessment.”
But here’s the thing – if you’re convinced that you’re not difficult at all, think again. We all have moments when we’re tough to handle. Let’s dig into why that happens:
- Your Brain Can Play Tricks on You
Your brain is a fantastic organ, but it’s not perfect. Sometimes, it confuses social signals with real danger, relies too much on past memories, fills in missing information with made-up stuff, and even makes you imagine things that aren’t real. So, it’s not always on your side when it comes to smooth interactions.
- Your Biology Matters
The way your body has developed can make a big difference. It affects how you control your impulses, handle frustration, change your focus, manage your feelings, and act in social and emotional situations, especially when you’re stressed.
- Nature and Nurture Play a Role
Your natural tendencies, like being aggressive or looking out for yourself, can sometimes make you difficult. Also, your life experiences and memories shape who you are. If you’ve been through tough experiences, especially when you were young and didn’t get them sorted out, it can make you extra sensitive to things that seem like threats.
Relationship Difficulties Self-Assessment (check all that apply)
- Your partner does something that threatens the safety and security of the relationship.
- Not recognizing when you’ve threatened the relationship and failing to repair it.
- Persistently not letting go after a satisfactory repair.
- Being unwilling to compromise with your partner.
- When bargaining, not offering alternatives following a “no.”
- Refusing to admit your mistakes and make amends.
- Refusing to see your partner’s point of view.
- Being persistently stubborn.
- Showing inflexibility.
- Avoiding conflict persistently.
- Failing to check with your partner when discussing them in public.
- Disregarding your partner in public.
- Persistently (and unapologetically) breaking promises.
- Talking too much or too little.
This list is not exhaustive, but it emphasizes that it’s not about making mistakes but about the refusal to stop when cued, and the refusal to repair and make things right.
We all have our difficult moments, but the challenge in a secure functioning relationship is not to cross the line into becoming “too difficult.”
As a couple’s therapist, I understand that nobody’s perfect. I can be difficult too, just like anyone else. So, I don’t claim to be better than anyone when it comes to being annoying. In my work with couples, I aim for strong, safe, and secure relationships where partners understand their roles in making each other feel safe and secure.
Secure-functioning partners work together to create agreements that protect them from each other’s difficult behaviors. These “golden rules” help partners rein in their challenging sides.
When couples work on their relationship together, they thrive together!
If you’re ready to take the first step toward improving your relationship, schedule a Free 30-minute Consultation.
Let’s work together to make your relationship more secure, understanding, and loving!
