What is PACT?

PACT, PACT…What is PACT? 

PACT stands for Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy. Stan Tatkin developed this approach out of both infant and adult attachment research, marital outcomes studies, and developmental neurobiological capacity models (what people are able to do on a social-emotional level).

The psychobiological approach to couple work simply means that it considers both psychological and biological factors as to how we connect and relate to one another.

Psychologically

There is a strong focus on family history and on early experiences of how we bonded with others, such as our parents or primary caregivers and siblings, for example.

Biologically

There is attention to how our brain, arousal system, and physical health influences our approach to relationships. This includes how you “read”your partner, as well as how you manage each other on an emotional and energetic level.

Research tells us that both our psychology and biology are major factors for predicting long-term relationship success.

How does PACT compare to other ways of doing couples therapy?

Since I discovered PACT and started learning more about it, I made it my go to way of working with couples. It quickly gets to the heart of the issues and, believe it or not, can be fun. When it is integrated into a couple’s life, because it is skills based, it quickly teaches you ways of dealing with each other in a more constructive manner.

Individual or couples therapy, which is better for me?

If the most pressing issue for you is your relationship, it is important not to ignore the complexity of a two-person system. Talking to a therapist without your partner being present is a bit like clapping with one hand.

What will we talk about?

What we talk about will vary according to your needs and pressures. It is not formulaic. I can help you look, beyond the argument, to what is really going on and what each partner is bringing to the relationship in terms of attitude, assumptions, misunderstandings and history. You will be encouraged to understand yourself and your partner in new ways, be helped to communicate more effectively, and feel safer and closer to each other.

What are some of the issues you can help with?

Conflict over children, stepchildren, in-laws, work, different parenting styles, infidelity and issues of trust, differences in sexual desire, or lack of sexual/emotional intimacy are some of the many issues that bring couples into therapy. Misunderstandings sometimes originate in experiences that predate the relationship.

Why do you do such long sessions? 2 hours sounds agonizing.

Couple’s sessions lasting 90 minutes to 2-3 hours give us time to get into the issues and move towards relief.
With long sessions you come less often, since we cover more ground in each one.

How do I know that we won’t just fight more with each other?

No guarantees on this, but rather than rehashing arguments, hurts and failures, we look for the underlying difficulties that create so much unhappiness and stress. Working together with your partner helps you move towards a better understanding of yourself and of each other. I will try to teach you how to fight more efficiently.

Other Couples therapies have not helped. Why should this?

No promises are offered. But even if you have done other couples therapy, you will find that PACT quickly gets to the core of your issues, giving you an understanding of where your difficulties originated and some tools to better deal with them in the future.

PACT uses rolling chairs to work on proximity, eye contact, and reading each other’s faces and bodies. This is how the sessions are set up in my private office in North Boulder.