Many of us carry wounds from childhood—experiences that left us feeling unseen, unsafe, or unworthy of love.
These early imprints don’t just vanish with time. They live in our bodies, our nervous systems, and, most poignantly, in our closest relationships.
As a couples therapist, I often hear partners wonder:
- Why does love feel so hard, even when we care deeply about each other?
- Why do we keep falling into the same painful patterns?
- Why can’t we just talk it out and move forward like other couples seem to?
What’s often beneath these questions is unhealed childhood trauma—a young part of you still trying to find safety, love, and belonging.
But here’s the good news: Healing doesn’t require perfection. It requires connection.
And when done in partnership, it can be one of the most powerful and transformative paths to emotional recovery.
Healing from the inside, together
A Psychological Approach to Couple Therapy or PACT, developed by Dr. Stan Tatkin, is an innovative therapy model that integrates attachment theory, neuroscience, and nervous system regulation to help couples heal from past wounds and create secure, thriving relationships.
Unlike traditional therapy, PACT works in the present moment—tracking how your nervous systems respond to each other, uncovering unconscious patterns, and creating new, embodied experiences of safety, connection, and mutual care.
It’s not just about solving problems.
It’s about rewiring your relational template from the inside out.
Relationship recovery process
When we grow up without emotional safety—due to neglect, chaos, criticism, or unmet needs—we adapt to survive. But those protective patterns, like shutting down, people-pleasing, or becoming hypervigilant, often show up in adult relationships—and keep us stuck.
PACT therapy helps couples repair from these ruptures by practicing secure-functioning love.
This means:
- Showing up for each other consistently.
- Becoming skilled at emotional attunement and co-regulation.
- Learning to repair conflict swiftly and respectfully.
- Rebuilding trust after years (or even generations) of emotional injury.
This is relationship recovery—not just restoring what’s broken but creating something stronger and safer than ever before.
Inner child work within the couple dynamic
Inside each of us lives an inner child—the part that carries unmet needs, longings, and pain from early life.
In PACT therapy, I help couples recognize when the inner child is running the show—when an old fear, shame, or abandonment wound gets triggered and leads to a big reaction.
Rather than pathologizing or avoiding these moments, we approach them with tenderness.
We ask:
- What does that younger part of you need right now?
- How can your partner help tend to that part, instead of becoming another source of pain?
When partners learn to lovingly witness and support each other’s inner children, healing accelerates.
The very places where you once felt alone become sites of repair.
The relationship becomes a sanctuary where both people can finally feel seen, safe, and held.
The couple bubble: a safe space for emotional healing
PACT introduces the concept of the “couple bubble”—a shared container where both partners commit to protecting the relationship above all else.
This doesn’t mean losing yourself or avoiding hard truths. It means:
- Having each other’s back.
- Repairing before resentment builds.
- Creating agreements that feel good and fair to both people.
For trauma survivors, this kind of relational safety is often brand new. And it’s deeply healing.
Because now, instead of managing everything alone, you have a partner who knows how to stand with you when the inner child shows up, when old fears whisper, You’re not safe, or You’re too much.
Healing in real time
PACT sessions are experiential and immersive. I don’t just listen to your stories—I track your expressions, body language, tone, and subtle nervous system cues.
This allows us to gently surface and transform trauma-driven responses as they happen, in the room, with both partners present and engaged.
We don’t just talk about emotional safety—we practice it.
Over and over again. Until your nervous system begins to trust:
This love is different. This is safe. I can be all of me here.
A love that heals
Healing childhood trauma within the context of a loving relationship is some of the most sacred and courageous work we can do.
With the right support, couples can learn to:
- Become secure-functioning partners, not adversaries.
- Transform conflict into connection.
- Soothe each other’s pain, instead of activating it.
- Create a love that feels like home—for the inner child and the adult self.
Ready to begin?
If you and your partner are ready to do the deep work of healing together—to move beyond old wounds and into something conscious, loving, and secure—let’s talk.
I offer:
- In-person couples therapy intensives in Boulder, CO
- Online sessions throughout Colorado
- Relationship coaching for couples nationwide
Reach out today for a consultation and let’s begin the path of relationship recovery and emotional healing—together.
