Problem-Solving vs. Happiness
In many relationships, there’s often one partner who takes great pride in being the “problem solver.” Maybe that sounds familiar to you. I’ve worked with many couples like this, and I get it—I also believe in solving problems.
But over the years, I’ve learned something important: solving problems doesn’t bring happiness. It brings relief, but not happiness.
Let that sink in for a moment.
When I tell this to couples, there’s usually a pause. They nod, maybe a bit confused, and then ask, “So, what does bring happiness?”
Relief Isn’t the Same as Happiness
Here’s the thing—problem-solving is about looking backward. Couples often try to fix issues that have come up repeatedly. Sure, when they finally solve a problem, they feel relief. But it’s rarely followed by true happiness.
Happiness, on the other hand, is forward-looking. It’s about creating something new together. It’s a process of growth, not just fixing what’s broken.
The Right Questions for Cultivating Happiness
If you want happiness, the questions you ask are different. These are the kinds of questions that lead to happiness:
- What can we create together that we don’t have now?
- What skills or strengths do we need to grow for the future?
- What attitudes can we work on that would bring us closer?
- What habits should we let go of, and what new ones should we build?
- What could inspire us to grow together?
- What would we try if we knew we wouldn’t fail?
- What would we do if we were filled with bold confidence?
These questions shift your focus from feeling stuck or desperate to feeling inspired. Together, you start to dream up new ideas—like setting shared goals, planning for the future, or finding ways to serve others. These are the things that spark excitement and make you feel connected as a team.
An Invitation to Move Forward Together
Today, I invite you to take a step toward happiness. Each of you, write down your answers to the questions above. Don’t hold back—think big and let yourself brainstorm. Then, compare your answers with your partner, maybe over a relaxed dinner. And remember, no discouraging words like, “How would THAT happen?”
This exercise is about inspiring each other, dreaming together, and moving from solving problems to creating happiness.
To get professional support and guidance reach out today to schedule a free consultation session!
