Resistance is often perceived as a bad thing to have. It is true that the more resistance we have the less joy we have in our lives. Resistance shows up in our body in the form of tight muscles and physical pain. Also in closed mindedness, emotional pain and drama. However, there is a place for resistance in our lives. Particularly if you feel lost and have no idea of where to turn to get yourself back home.
Let me explain. For the majority of my formative years, I did not have a lot of parental guidance. I didn’t have a mentor or coach to engage me and support my personal growth and development as a woman. You could say that I was lost. Not only in a family that was chaotic, but in a world of chaos and confusion.
What do teenagers do when they are lost? You’ve got that right, they act out! I rebelled big time and although I survived, those were some of the most traumatic years of my life.
As a result of being so lost and confused, I created a lot of resistance within my family. I did this with angry outbursts in an attempt to get validation that my existence actually mattered. When this failed, I did the opposite. I turned my anger inward towards myself by starving myself, isolating from friends, family and my desire to live.
For decades into my adult years, I would go back and forth between projecting my anger outwards and blaming others. Then to turning my anger inwards towards myself with self-criticism, self-hatred and self-abandon. I created this resistance to have something to push against in an attempt to be seen and heard in a bigger way. The resistance I created helped me find a path home. A path to discover who I really was, my true self.
I started to get glimpses of my true self and this space inside, but I never stayed for long. It was unfamiliar territory and I found it safer to keep choosing what was familiar, which was either blaming others or shaming myself for my life circumstances. Eventually, I got so sick and tired of this state of mind and being because all it led to was chronic heartbreak and broken friendships, mental, emotional and physical health issues and stunting of my personal and professional growth.
In my attempt to find relief, I began to explore different modalities and practices to help me get in touch with myself at a deeper level. What I found, to my surprise, was that through the practice of quieting my mind and dropping into my physical body there was little to no resistance. I didn’t have the impulse to push or pull against anything.
There was an inner peace that was captivating and I just wanted to simply be. However, it was the resistance that I was creating in my life that eventually guided me to this peaceful place deep inside myself. Without the resistance, I would have never been guided down the path of self discovery towards the relationship with my truest self. I may not have even survived through adolescence.
This new found relationship with my true self was paramount to my career choice. It’s also essential to living an adult life that is joyful, happy and meaningful. My ideal life is being created from a place of deep connection with my heart’s desire not someone else’s agenda. This is the basis for why I do the personal leadership development work that I do.
By learning how to use your resistance to guide you home. Trusting that turning towards yourself in a loving and compassionate way will bring you lasting relief and peace of mind. You will free yourself from the fear that binds you.
Your pain can become your greatest asset to living a joyful life. The choice is in your hands, but you don’t have to journey alone. Please consider working with a professional who can help guide you, mentor you or coach you along your journey of self discovery and exploration to your truest and best self.
Teena Evert, MA, LMFT, CCTC, CCC, GCDF, CDBS is a Certified Career Counselor, Global Career Development Facilitator, Life Coach and Licensed Mental Health Professional. She helps her clients successfully navigate important transitions in their life and career with intention, clarity and purpose. She can help you get unstuck, identify your barriers, and move forward fearlessly into a bright future of your own design.
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