Every relationship faces challenges, but the key to a strong partnership is learning how to manage outside influences—what we’ll call “thirds”—together. Thirds can be anything that affects your relationship, like alcohol, work, friends, exes, electronics, or even pets.
If one partner feels threatened or jealous because of a third, it’s a sign that the other partner is not handling the situation well. A healthy relationship means working through these issues as a team, not as individuals.
Work the Problem, Not Each Other
When conflicts arise, remember that the issue itself is the third—not your partner. Your job is to face the problem together, whether it’s a difficult decision, an argument, or a stressful situation. If you start blaming each other, you’re not solving anything—you’re just fighting.
Instead of pointing fingers, take a step back and ask yourself, “What did I do or not do to contribute to this issue?”
This helps create a sense of responsibility on both sides. If you attack your partner, they’ll naturally defend themselves, and you’ll both just keep arguing without getting anywhere. Nothing gets solved, and both of you will walk away feeling frustrated.
Here’s an important truth: Everyone is annoying sometimes. We all make mistakes, act selfishly, and disappoint each other. The trick is to recognize this and work together to fix problems instead of turning on each other.
Take Care of Yourself and Your Partner at the Same Time
A strong relationship means looking out for both yourself and your partner—no matter how stressful life gets. The moment one of you starts focusing only on your own needs and ignoring the other, you become opponents instead of teammates. That’s when resentment builds, and you both lose.
Your goal should always be to show your partner that you’re on their side. You do this through your actions—by anticipating their needs, remembering what’s important to them, and making an effort to support them. If your partner starts feeling like they can’t trust your intentions, they’ll instinctively see you as a threat.
Humans are wired to detect threats quickly—whether through tone, facial expressions, or body language. If you’re not careful with how you communicate, your partner may misinterpret your words and feel defensive. Before speaking, think about how your words might be received. If you don’t, you might accidentally hurt your partner and make things worse.
Lead with Relief Whenever Possible
When your partner is upset, your first job is to help them feel safe. That means responding in a way that calms them down instead of making things worse.
Don’t start by explaining yourself, making excuses, or defending your actions. Instead, acknowledge their feelings first. A simple, sincere “I’m sorry” or “Thank you” can go a long way in reducing stress and showing that you care.
Imagine stepping on someone’s toe. Which response would you rather hear?
- “I didn’t see your foot.”
- “It wasn’t my fault; someone pushed me.”
- “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”
The best response is obvious—the one that shows immediate concern and care. The same principle applies in relationships. If you forgot to say goodbye in the morning, a quick “I’m really sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. That was inconsiderate of me” is much better than getting defensive or making excuses.
Little Gestures Matter
Relief doesn’t always have to come from words. Small actions like nodding, making eye contact, or using a softer tone can signal to your partner that you’re on their side. If your partner appreciates physical touch, a reassuring hand on their shoulder might help. If they need space, giving them room to breathe shows you respect their needs.
By leading with relief and prioritizing teamwork, you create a relationship built on trust, support, and mutual understanding.
The next time you and your partner face a challenge, remember: It’s you two against the problem, not against each other.
If you want to strengthen your relationship and create a more secure connection with each other then let’s have a conversation, schedule a free 30-minute Meet/Greet Today!